Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My Place

I've been trying to find my place. And when I think of it, this song comes to mind. I think in some ways I feel like Elphaba. Just not sure where I fit some times. This song makes me laugh when I hear it.

I've never wanted to be popular until I married. I'm not seeking popularity. I just want to know where I belonged and how I fit into my new circumstances as a wife and then as a mother. And in the whole mix, who I was/am?

My defense mechanism is (and always has been) to not share information about me. With my best efforts, I found out as much about others as I possible could. It became a sort of game. Through my "game" I've limited myself from some real friendships and let myself be lonely. A lonely place.

So in accordance with my goal to be happy with me, I don't play the game. And when I notice that I am playing the "game" I stop or at least try. So I'm trying out a new place.

One place I know that I'm always popular is at home with my family. They need me, and I need them. So in the end, I have a place and am very popular!


Cyndy said...

Not only are you an intelligent, kind woman, you also enrich the lives of those whom you let in. As an added benefit, those you allow in, may also bring blessings to yours.

I understand searching to find your place. Personally, I think starting over in a brand new place is not only hard, but makes our need to have our place defined -if only in our own minds- that much more important.

Keep your heart open, let life surprise you.

Sue said...

Sounds like you're on the right track, and I admire what you're doing. It isn't easy to change a pattern that has become comfortable over the years. (I speak from experience...I'm still trying to change some of the early patterns that I've decided don't serve me well!)


Jocelyn Christensen said...

You're doing great! Share know you're safe with me!

Hilary said...

Family is great. It's good when you're feeling down and lonely to remember that you are the world to your husband and especially your children. Sometimes I grumble to myself a little about family members being needy at all times of the day, but it never lasts for long because I am just so grateful to be the one that those people turn to first when they need love and help. I think that our loneliness in this sphere of existence is fairly normal, especially when you are far away from family. But, it will only make living in our eternal families--with the people who we are most popular with ;)--that much sweeter.

That being said, we ladies need good friends and my door, ears, and arms are always open!