I want to write a post that will share a little bit more about me and my hopes, but alas I keep starting and discarding different ideas. I've thought about talking about goals, perfection, or miracles. I've started but discarded sharing how my Sweetheart and I began. I've thought about sharing ideas others have posted because I feel uninspired to think that anyone would want to read what I would have to say. All very discouraging thoughts. The point is I want to share my goal for this year and ask for your help.
Last September, a friend and I were out taking a meal and a bunch of flowers to a friend. As we were in the car, I turned to her and said, "What do people say about me? I know that I'm not always so warm and friendly." She nonetheless was a little taken back by my question and the tears that accompanied the inquiry. See since I have married and moved, I've felt.....well lonely.
I married a man that I completely adore. (We met and married in a 12 week period.) I've struggled with finding my place as a wife, a mother, and a friend.
She thought for a minute and said, "Tonight when we were at the grocery store, you were more friendly to complete strangers than to those we go to church with or have as a neighbors. People see you as more of a counselor than a friend because of the questions you ask." It is true that I am a counselor and am very comfortable in the role of counselor. I have thought about what she has said a lot.
So shortly after having this conversation, I read this blog post about perfection. I have meditated about how being truly honest with who I am and hope that it will bring me closer to being happier and kind to people. I have continued to think about how can I be happy. "I will be happy when" or "only if this" are phrases that don't bring me closer to being happy.
As I continued in my search with a prayer to find my answers, our family decided to set some goals and post them like we saw on someone's frig to remind them everyday. So we started to think about goals, and I thought for a month before I wrote anything down because I didn't want to fail. Which led me to another post a few days after I really had written my goals about setting realistic hopes to work for.
Lastly, I found an invitation. She may not know that it was an invitation but it felt like one to me. It talked about miracles. The invitation helped me see past me. Thank you for the help.