Last September, a friend and I were out taking a meal and a bunch of flowers to a friend. As we were in the car, I turned to her and said, "What do people say about me? I know that I'm not always so warm and friendly." She nonetheless was a little taken back by my question and the tears that accompanied the inquiry. See since I have married and moved, I've felt.....well lonely.
I married a man that I completely adore. (We met and married in a 12 week period.) I've struggled with finding my place as a wife, a mother, and a friend.
She thought for a minute and said, "Tonight when we were at the grocery store, you were more friendly to complete strangers than to those we go to church with or have as a neighbors. People see you as more of a counselor than a friend because of the questions you ask." It is true that I am a counselor and am very comfortable in the role of counselor. I have thought about what she has said a lot.
So shortly after having this conversation, I read this blog post about perfection. I have meditated about how being truly honest with who I am and hope that it will bring me closer to being happier and kind to people. I have continued to think about how can I be happy. "I will be happy when" or "only if this" are phrases that don't bring me closer to being happy.
As I continued in my search with a prayer to find my answers, our family decided to set some goals and post them like we saw on someone's frig to remind them everyday. So we started to think about goals, and I thought for a month before I wrote anything down because I didn't want to fail. Which led me to another post a few days after I really had written my goals about setting realistic hopes to work for.
Lastly, I found an invitation. She may not know that it was an invitation but it felt like one to me. It talked about miracles. The invitation helped me see past me. Thank you for the help.
7 comments:
Good thoughts, Wendy.
I think when we are happy, the liking follows. Because no one can resist us!
;)
Wendy, you are not alone! I struggle with the same issues of loneliness and making adult friendships. It can be very hard to make friends as a married person for some reason... time, kids, spouse, etc. And, I think it takes longer to build those friendships once they are in place for many of the same reasons.
I'm sure you know what opinion matters most, and that's a personal discovery we have to make. However, in this world, we need good friends and it really helps to feel loved and appreciated. So, let me tell you what I have heard people say about you. You are very giving of your time and efforts in order to serve those around you. You are thoughtful and kind. You are great with the children in our ward. You are productive and a spiritual giant. I have never heard anyone say a bad thing about you, and I honestly always viewed you as a friend to all.
I agree with Sue that being happy is an irresistable quality in people and I admire your goal of happiness. Good luck! I think I'll join you in your goal of happiness and friendliness. We'll have to compare notes sometime about how we're doing.
It's a funny thing. In the last year, I discovered that more people seemed at ease in my house if I left my house a little messy when I was EXPECTING company! Sounds totally backward...but the principle is true. And when I showed the world my dirty floors on my blog recently...I got the most comments of any posts I'd written in 2010. Go figure.
Wendy, your honesty is inspiring, as is your committemnt to family, church and community. I have enjoyed our friendship and openness in feelings about life. You truly are a leader amoung us. One thing I found when I got here was in order to find myself I had to serve others. I don't know if we will ever really "find" ourselves, but perhaps find peace within ourselves is the first step. And you know, we all need a little counseling sometime.
Just so you know, I look up to you.
Why is it that the hardest thing to do - which is to be vulnerable and allow people to see the real us - is most often the very key to helping others get close to us?? I LOVE to read blogs about real people with real problems because then I can relate and feel that they are not so...untouchable.
The thing I admire about you the most is that you are one of the least selfish people I have ever met, as evidenced by your thoughtful - truly, truly thoughtful service to others. You seem aware of others' needs before they are voiced and you seek for a way that you can help them, not for your own glory but absolutely out of a sincere desire to serve others. I want to be like you, Wendy, so thank you for setting such a marvelous example "of the believers" and showing me the kind of person I want to be.
Wendy
I am reading this post more than a year after you posted it, but I am moved by your comments. I think you are one of the friendliest people I know. You always have a way of bringing people together and when you talk to me or anyone else you give your full attention. I appreciate that very much. Love you a ton.
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